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No matter how badly a thing is destroying us, sometimes letting it go hurts even worse.”

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Perhaps life is all about fixing broken things. Some people we meet by accident to make us, others on purpose to break us. So that we can pick up the pieces and start again. Maybe because we are strongest after we have been shattered, maybe because we are at our best after we have survived the worst.

Time they say heals all broken things. In time you’ll learn the hard way that it doesn’t. You close your eyes, hoping to wake up when it’s all over. And then you open your eyes to the truth that nothing is. Just because you shut things out doesn’t mean they’d go away. You only let life pass you by, and there goes the years you cannot take back, the moments you cannot live again.

Perhaps the only way to deal with pain is to hurt until it hurts no more. Perhaps the only way to stop breaking is to break until you can be broken no longer. But where do you find the courage to carry on when all you got left inside you is fear? Fear cripples. And i know now a thing worse than fear, living in fear for so long.

We blame the gods, we blame the people, but at the end of the day we know that we only have ourselves to deal with our own circumstances.

:)

“From this experience, I understood the danger of focusing only on what isn’t there. What if I came to the end of my life and realized that I’d spent every day watching for a man who would never come to me? What an unbearable sorrow it would be, to realize I’d never really tasted the things I’d eaten, or seen the places I’d been, because I’d thought of nothing but the Chairman even while my life was drifting away from me. And yet if I drew my thoughts back from him, what life would I have? I would be like a dancer who had practiced since childhood for a performance she would never give. ” ― Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

Last String

People come and go.

Permanence is one thing that never exists in this fast-changing world.

We live and we die. We say ‘hi’ then we bid ‘goodbye’.
We sing along a good old song, and then it ends.
Someone touches our lives, the next moment they’re gone.

Just like that.

Not a day’s notice, not a word of warning.
They come and they go, and then we’re never ever the same.

We learn the hard way that nothing’s definite, only goodbyes.

One day or the other, we lose someone and the only way to cope is to LET GO.

But who’s ever ready to let go?

When letting go means losing the things that truly matter.

Who’s ever ready to let go?

When letting go means losing pieces and parcels of one’s soul.

When it means waking up in the morning, feeling less of a person with a big hole in your heart.

Really. Who’s ever ready to let go?

We hold a million strings in our hands,

Borrowed lives, fleeting time, passing love;

But at the end of the day, none of them is ours to keep.

We hold tight to the things we believe would last forever,

but none of them ever does.

One by one they’ll seep out from our grips, like the fine grains of sand we try to keep in our palms.

We can muster every bit of rage,curse the gods, cry our hearts out,

But at the end of the day, we have to let go.

We have to let go.

***

Gone in this world but never in our hearts..:)

Blind Eye

The heart sees only what it wishes to see.

Like the stunning red petals of a thorn filled rose, or the beautiful basket that carries a handful of rotten fruits.
It sees only goodness in a convicted man’s being, and finds vindication in lieu of a beloved’s lie.
It takes notice of that single right in a deluge of wrongs, and esteems that single smile amidst a rainstorm of sorrows.
It looks at what it receives rather than at what it has given, in a context of misgivings and unjust returns.

Yet the heart knows what it refuses to see.

Like the sadness behind those façade of smiles or the coldness unconcealed by those humdrum, empty words.
It feels the pricking pain as the thorns of the rose it adores rip open the surfaces of its fragile skin, or the gushing of blood for every word not said and deed not done.
It sees a flame blazing, yet feels deep within the extinguished spark that loses its luster day by day.

But despite what it knows, the heart believes what it chooses to believe.

It is soldered into its unyielding pretence that ‘Everything’s fine’, the make-believe that someday everything will fall back together again.
It builds a wall so sturdy to protect it from the truth behind those lies, and to never stain nor destroy its ideals of love.

But a heart that sees within limits can only love within boundaries.

For the fear of what lies outside the walls of comfort cripples its capacity to love without bounds.
And that kind of love, no matter how pure, would never be ENOUGH.

P.S. Perhaps that other person loves you so much, to be in such denial despite knowing the truth.

The One That Got Away

“…the one that got away, guys have that and serial killers have that. I had the truck lined with garbage bags but then she got away”

I wonder if there’s really that one person, that one love you can’t escape, that would take away a parcel of your heart and squeeze its way into your thoughts every once in a while.

When you’re oh-so-happy with a new love, I wonder if in the midst of your calm and bliss someone would sneak into the corners of your mind and make you wonder about how he’s doing.

That glorious moment when you walk down the aisle in a beautiful white dress, I wonder if there’s someone who would steal a miniscule of your thought and make you hesitate for a fleeting moment.

Like a breeze that blows right through you as you sit content into the porch of your home on a lazy afternoon, that makes you wonder if you also brush that other person’s thought the same way he brushes yours.

As you stare into that mirror, feeling nostalgic over your first strand of silver hair, I wonder if there’s that one person who would make you see a hint of regret right through those old weary eyes and make you wonder ‘what if’?

And as you heaved your last breath, I wonder if an image of that one who got away would be the last one to cross your mind, while you wonder in that final second of your life if you touched his life the same way he touched yours.

I drift away into all these thoughts and wonder if ten, twenty, or fifty years from now I’d still think of you the same way I am thinking of you right now…

Heartbreak by the Letters

A heart splintered into pieces is a tragedy that comes to be a beauty only in the form of writing.

Every bitter drop of tear is transformed into sweet sorrow, with the unhappiest of words becoming a dejected soul’s refuge.

Each bit of hatred growing inside a scorned heart becomes a plea for affection, a call for hope rather than an uproar of gloom that reverberates within a crestfallen core.

Every deep seated misery finds escape in the form of expression, as every fatal thought is condensed into strong yet harmless words.

Every sob story becomes a universal phenomenon, for a tale of a broken heart once transformed into words becomes another else’s story.

Every pain becomes a work of art, a beautiful piece that veils the agony of a bleeding heart. And for a fleeting moment, one’s heartbreak becomes a fiction, a product of imagination rather than one’s own reality.

Yet after everything conveyed in writing, the pain remains the same. For even a million words said and written would never be enough to ease the pain nor to bring back a love lost.

Even with all the beauty words possess, they can never cure a broken hearted man’s malady.

Blissful Oblivion

It’s been a long time since these unspoken words resonated into my thoughts, quite a while since this distant yet familiar feeling resurfaced.

Today of all days, that story came to life. That same old story..

It’s like the sinking feeling you get as you wait all alone at the airport. You watch in silence as the plane departs, feeling melancholic as the thought of being left behind dawns into you. Oblivious of the next return, fully aware of the other possibility that it would just be a one way flight, and that trip back home would never be taken.

Stuck in the waiting area, it’s never easy.

Now I know that the greatest mistake in life is to put your happiness into someone else’s hands, ‘cause the moment they decide to take that other road… there goes your everything.

Hey, I want to get it right with YOU!

I always do things wrong..

I stutter when I speak

I fall down when I run, scraping my knees a lot

I can’t carry a tune nor dance to the simplest beat

But it doesn’t really matter, cause I feel RIGHT when I’m with you.

I’m not even close to perfect..

My hair is all messed up, my laugh’s a little freaky

My stature’s a little awkward, my mannerisms odd

My strides are awfully jagged and my waddle’s just as clumsy

But I never really give a damn, cause I feel just as PERFECT when I’m with you.

I never grow up..

Giddy and silly, childish in every way

Jammed in make-belief, forever stuck in fantasy

Irrational and stubborn, still frivolous over amusements and candies

But I never really felt the need to grow up, cause being silly feels so GOOD when you’re around.

I’m a coward deep down the bones.

I run away from the fire I started instead of putting it off

Do a lot of big things wrong and just lie about it

Still afraid of the dark, always hiding under a safety blanket

But I was never really scared, cause I feel so BRAVE when I’m with you.

I’m a magnet for mistakes..

I spill the water a million times

Break the dishes and slip a lot

Do the math and never get the equation right

But i don’t really mind, cause I feel IMPECCABLE when you’re around.

I suck in a gazillion ways and I don’t care.

Cause there’s only one thing in this world I want to get right:

Hey.. I want to get it right with you! 🙂

Love is A Crazy Thing

When you love someone, how often do you find yourself looking for reasons not to love?

Often times you look for flaws, just to assure yourself that he is not perfect.

You count his mistakes, just to keep a record of how many times you have been wronged.

You make such a big deal out of his blunders, just to point out how awful he is.

On very rare days you fall out of love, you try so hard to nurture that feeling of oblivion.

At times you find another prospect to love, you open yourself to possibilities just to guarantee that he’s not the only one.

And there are those moments when you just want to… STOP.

BUT you know that no matter how many flaws you’ll see, your heart will always look at him perfectly.

No matter how many times he has wronged you, a simple gesture would make you erase all those records of wrongs.

In every mistake he makes, you incessantly make excuses for him just so he won’t be wrong, because you want him to be always right.

That feeling of oblivion lasts for just a fleeting moment and the instant you see his face, his smile, you’ll just laugh at the absurdity of such thought.

When you find another one that makes your heart flutter, you suddenly find yourself babble about how your heart is already set hard on someone.

You know there’s no stopping.

Sometimes love becomes insatiable that it leaves you with a void that can never be quenched.

And because it cannot be quenched you go into hoping that it would just disappear.

Yet as strong as that hope is the desire to hold on and never let go.

Love is a crazy thing. 😉

“Love strays away, but at the end of the day it finds its way back to where it truly belongs :)”